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Here are a few clues to help you see the line between a soft addiction and a
productive activity more clearly:
Zoning out. One way of identifying a soft addiction is to notice whether or
not you zone out while you are doing it. When we are zoned out, we are not fully
engaged. We might be daydreaming or have a "no one is home" look plastered on
our face. Zoning out suggests that the real goal of our activity is numbness.
Regardless of the fact that we're physically participating, our mind is off
somewhere else. When we're finished with the activity we frequently do not
remember the things we have done, watched, or read. Though this often happens
when watching television, it can also occur while shopping, working, having
superficial conversations, or doing other activities.
Avoiding feelings. Certain activities numb us to our emotions, especially
very strong emotions. We evade feelings by being numb, increasing specific
feelings that we enjoy to the exclusion of others, or even wallowing in one
unpleasant feeling to escape another. Several of us are uncomfortable with our
most intimate feelings, whether they are good or bad. We often don't know how to
deal productively with our sadness or anger (or, in some instances, even our
joy), so we find an activity or a mood that facilitates an emotion-muting state,
which only represses our sadness, anger or other unsettled emotions.
Compulsiveness. Are you driven to indulge in a specific behavior or emotion?
Do you often feel compelled to do, have, or buy something, no matter if you
understand that you don't need it? This may be accompanied by a helpless,
powerless feeling. You may not be able to stop or diminish the amount of hours
wasted on a given activity. Although you may find some transient pleasure, you
often feel bad afterward. You continue following the habit, all the while saying
to yourself, I'll never do this again. Though you try to stop, you cannot find
the power to do so.
Denial. If you get defensive or start justifying your actions, odds are it's
a soft addiction. Denial is a refusal to acknowledge and rationalization is an
excuse or explanation to justify a compulsive behavior. Both dull our
self-awareness and lower our expectations of ourselves. To write our actions off
as acceptable, we overlook, cover up, or gloss over the true reason or price.
Either we maintain that the addiction is not a problem or we rationalize why it
is an acceptable or necessary way to use our time. "What is so bad about a few
cups of coffee?" is a average justification. We may deny that the hours spent
surfing the Net are a waste of time. The inclination to rationalize a routine
suggests a soft addiction.
Stinking thinking. "Stinking thinking" is distorted thinking built on
incorrect beliefs. Oversimplifying, amplifying, minimizing, justifying, blaming,
and emotional reasoning are a few examples. Stinking thinking produces the
rediculous rules and logic of soft addictions. For instance, "there aren't
calories if I eat standing up," or "I can't exercise if I have already
showered." This type of faulty thinking is addictive. The tainted thoughts
prompt indulging in a soft addiction in the beginning and later on allow us to
justify the indulgence.
Hiding the behavior. Beware of habits that turn into guilty pleasures you
seek to hide. Hiding the amount of hours you spend participating in an activity
or being deceitful to others about how you frequently use your time or your
money suggests that you have soft addictions. In other words, you feel ashamed
of the things you are doing and that is why you desire to hide it from
others.
NOTE: Links must be intact to use this article.
Judith Wright is an author, speaker, educator, life coach, and seminar
leader. She has taught workshops to help people overcome soft addictions and
creating "More" for 12 years. You may contact her through her Web site at
www.theremustbemore.com. See also Massive
Personal Growth
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